What’s the Daily Struggle of Depression and ADHD Feel Like?

Introduction

Two of the mental health conditions I suffer from are depression (major depressive disorder) and adult ADHD.  I wish I could say it’s simple to say what the difference is in how these conditions make me feel on a daily basis, but it isn’t.  Like many mental health disorders, they’re very intertwined almost like they work together to make daily life a struggle.

I long for the days where I woke up early every morning, with tons of energy, just gunning to get going and do something.  Since the onset of my mental health decline, those days are long gone.  Every morning is a struggle to get out of bed, and once out of bed, an ongoing struggle to get moving and try to accomplish something during the day, even if it’s just ordinary tasks like yard work, house maintenance and cleaning, or even trying to finish writing the book I’m working on.

Generally, that’s what a combination of mental health symptoms feels like. Every action you want to do seems to run into a challenge that feels like hiking up a steep mountain.  It’s often different in terms of how the challenge presents itself from day to day.  For instance, some days it feels like the mind is willing, and the body is not.  Then the next day, it feels like the body is willing, but the mind is not.  On tougher days, it feels like neither the mind nor the body want to get in motion.

Do Medications Help?

I would say that generally medications help - for sure they definitely don’t hurt.  But I find their efficacy (how well they work) seems to wane over time, almost like the body gets used to them and fights back.  I’m not a doctor and have no medical background so I could be completely wrong on that front - all I’m doing is speaking from experience.

For instance, when I started on one medication for ADHD I immediately felt a charge of energy from it.  Now, after being on it for over two years, I find that it still has some effect, but it’s nowhere near what it was.  I have had dosage adjustments, but I still don’t feel a lot of difference.  It’s frustrating - it felt great when I was first on them and they gave me a burst of energy, and I miss that feeling.  I miss having the feeling of energy, both in mind and body, at the same time, so much.

Other medications I’ve taken for other diagnoses that I have, for instance when I was suffering from psychosis, had immediate positive effects that have lasted.  So, when it comes to mental health, I would state again - medications help, they don’t hurt - and importantly, if you’re prescribed those medications, stick with them, or at least don’t make any changes without consulting with your physician - good physicians understand the reality of mental illness.. Personally, I don’t want to test to see what the effects would be if I stopped taking my medications.  I’ve been through too much already, too many mental challenges, to play risky games like that, or to pretend I know better than my physicians, who’ve been awesome.

How Do I Cope?

I find the best way to cope is to try and set some goals.  I don’t set them every day to be honest.  I just don’t feel I have the mental energy to do that.  But I do try and set a goal every second day, alternating on days where one day the goal is a little more challenging, and the next day the goal is less challenging and a little more attainable.

Here’s some examples.  You know from my previous writing that I love kayaking, and that being out in nature is healing for me.  But that doesn’t mean I’m always full of energy to get up and go, especially in the summer months where it’s best to be on the water early to avoid the afternoon winds we get in my locale.  

So every two or three days, I set myself the goal of getting up early, a huge struggle for me right now, set my alarm clock for early morning, and get up and go.  It’s not easy, really not easy.  But I find setting that goal, periodically, I can do it, accomplish it, and feel better for it. I feel better for getting out in nature, better for getting exercise, and better for having the quiet time to just work through things in my head.

Other days, I make a more modest goal.  Often it’s a simple one, like trying to keep my golf game tuned up.  I really don’t feel like playing a whole round of golf, that’s a struggle in my head, a lot of time dedicated to one thing, tough with the ADHD mind.  So I keep my game tuned up by making the goal of getting to the driving range and hitting a bucket of balls.  Its a simple goal, it’s a bit therapeutic, gets me going with some activity, and I get some feel good as I see my shots get more consistent so that when I do have the wherewithal to want to play a round of golf, I’ll be prepared for it and do well.

Other examples of modest goals can even be simple tasks that don’t make me leave home.  Mowing the lawn, weed-whacking along the fence lines, doing a little simple yardwork, they’re all little goals that help. 

What’s the Toughest Part of It All?

There’s two answers to this question that I would say are a “tie” for first place.  The first one I’ve covered already - the struggle to get going, to get moving, and hence the goal setting, even if they’re goals that wouldn’t be particularly exciting for a normally healthy person.  The second one, is how frustrating it is, from the ADHD I guess, is struggling to enjoy anything or want to keep doing anything for any particular length of time.

I find even when I start something, like doing a simple goal like yard work, by the time 20-30 minutes have gone by…I’m mentally done. I need an extended break, and my enthusiasm for the task has drained.  It’s even similar at the gold driving range - by the time 20 minutes have passed and I’m halfway through the bucket of balls - I’m done, I’m tired of it, I don’t feel interested in it anymore, and I want to move on to something else, even if that something else is just getting home.

It sometimes even happens to me when I’m kayaking.  So to try and curb that I try and hit up different bodies of water on occasion, just to keep it interesting.  The wonders of nature, the peace and quiet, do allow me to enjoy that activity for a longer period of time.  Strangely enough, I find I enjoy it and get more healing out of it in the winter. In the winter there’s no paddleboarders, no boaters, no swimmers, and I usually have the lake all to myself, which makes it just absolutely ideal for some mental healing, and somehow, it’s strangely motivating as well.  I feel similarly on days when i go for a bike ride - the fewer people, the quieter, the more forgiving my head is in allowing me to enjoy the activity.

So, the toughest part really is not being able to enjoy anything for any particular length of time. After a few minutes doing anything, the anxiety pops up, the urge to move on to something else, even if it’s nothing, creeps in, and it makes life really hard to enjoy some days. And that, really, is the toughest part.  Few things feel satisfying, and the ones that do, don’t for long.

Final Words

The key takeaway is if you suffer from similar conditions, you can’t give up.  That won’t be satisfying in the least, as you’ll find your anxiety just building up over the course of the day, along with your frustration with yourself.

Setting little goals, and maybe trying my strategy of alternating days with a little more aggressive goals with other days with less aggressive easily achievable goals, is one way to go.  Always stick with the medications recommended by your physician - even if they feel like they aren’t helping or aren’t helping like they used to, the risk of taking a major step backwards and feeling even worse exists, if you don’t take them. If you want a change in medications, visit your doctor and talk it through with him or her.

Lastly, find a way to be kind to yourself. For me, being kind to myself means getting outside into nature, hence my ‘Explore Outside, Heal Inside’ theme.  That works for me. Science says it works for many people, and best of all it’s either free, low cost, or takes advantage of things you already have at home, like a bicycle, or just a pair of walking shoes.  Let that time out in nature be time for letting your thoughts flow, thinking positive things, or even just narrow in on the wonderful things that make up the natural environment. I find just the greenery of the trees helps change my mood for the better. I’d encourage you to experiment, and find out what works for you.